Is It Selfish To Set Boundaries?
Is It Selfish To Set Boundaries?
I strongly believe that everybody should have boundaries for their own sanity and peace.
So, is it selfish to set boundaries?
No, it is not selfish at all to have boundaries even though sometimes society makes you feel like it is. Setting personal boundaries is necessary, important, and good.
It is very healthy if you want to live your authentic life and fulfill your purpose while you are here on this earth.
Having boundaries does not mean that you are controlling. It is a measure of your self-care, self-worth, and good mental health.
People with high self-esteem and good emotional health can set healthy boundaries for themselves and the people they are in a relationship with.
It is indicative of self-love, respect, and leads to a more peaceful life.
Now that you know it is not selfish to have boundaries, you may be wondering… What does having boundaries mean? Let’s discuss that next.
What Do Boundaries Mean?
Boundaries are limits and confines that you set on the kinds of behaviour you will accept from yourself, and other people that you are in a relationship with.
They are derived from who you are and what your top core values are.
People who have healthy boundaries understand that it is important to make their expectations clear so that people in their life know what behaviour can be expected from them and what behaviour they will accept from others.
People who have rigid boundaries do not have a lot of close relationships, are detached, and do not let others get too close to them.
People who have loose boundaries find it difficult to say no to others and are people pleasers because they are afraid of rejection.
Reasons Why Healthy Boundaries Are Important
Boundaries are very important and they set you free to live your best authentic life.
Clarity
Boundaries create clarity and teach people in your life how to treat you, so you can be your best self and not get drained emotionally and physically.
Establishes what you consider as disrespect and will not tolerate.
Emotional Health
Your emotional health is linked to your boundaries. It helps establish how you expect people to treat you which is the same as how you treat them.
Confidence
When you can articulate your boundaries, confidence, self-esteem, your self-worth increases. You deserve to be respected, heard, seen, accepted and understood.
Self-Awareness
Deciding and setting boundaries allow self-awareness. You get to know who you are exactly, what your purpose is, and what boundaries you would need to fulfill that purpose.
How you want to be treated, and what you would consider disrespectful and would not tolerate.
Healthy Relationships
Boundaries create healthy relationships. You become an average of five people you hang out with.
It is okay to let people who do not respect your boundaries go, to make room for the right, like-minded people to enter into your life.
Setting Boundaries
It is important to be able to set boundaries and know when to say no when an action is not aligned to your values, vision, and purpose of life.
Here are some ways to establish what boundaries are important to you
Self Reflection
Take some time for self-reflection and determine what boundaries are important to you based on your values and purpose, and how they will benefit your self-care, esteem and emotional well-being.
One way to figure out what your boundaries are is to examine what upsets or offends you.
Set Them Up Early
It is important to establish them early so that everyone knows the rules of engagement and frustrations can be limited.
Communicate Them Clearly
It is important to communicate these boundaries clearly and to make sure that they are understood.
Have Self-Respect
Remember you are worthy and deserving to have boundaries in your life. People who are meant to stay in your life will accept and abide by them.
Types Of Boundaries
Let’s discuss the different types of boundaries that you can have next.
Material
Be clear about what material possessions you feel comfortable sharing with others, and how you expect them to be treated.
Time/Energy
Be clear about limits on your time as it is valuable and the most important resource. It can never come back once it has passed.
How much time you are willing to allocate for favours, service, and free labour.
How do you want to deal with repeated lateness, double bookings, no shows and people cancelling plans at the last minute?
Physical
Be clear about who you are comfortable with allowing into your personal and physical space.
Your different personal areas such as your car, home, and different rooms within it. What behaviour is acceptable to you while they are in your spaces.
Do you like to show and be shown public displays of affection or not? Your wishes and sexual boundaries should always be respected.
You decide who can touch you. How, where, and when can be decided as well. Your wishes should always be respected.
Always remember that you are worthy and entitled to take up as much physical space as you need. You should never feel like you need to take as little room as possible.
Mental
Be clear about your purpose, soul’s calling, and top core values and make sure all your decisions in life, beliefs, thoughts are aligned with it.
Your ideas, thoughts, beliefs and opinions should be respected.
Emotional
Know that you are 100% responsible for creating your best life and the emotions that you feel. They come from your thoughts and beliefs.
Choose to feel better, despite how others are acting and feeling.
Do not give your power away to others and have your emotional well-being depend on how others are behaving. Learn to stop blaming, justifying, and emotionally dumping.
You should not let your occupation, marital status, family or your otherworldly acquired roles define you.
In conclusion, make sure to take some time to reflect and figure out what types of boundaries are necessary for you to set in order to live peacefully and have the energy to fulfill your purpose.
It is not selfish to have boundaries. Having strong boundaries will improve your self-worth, self-esteem, and confidence.
Now that you know how to set boundaries, figure out which ones you need in order to live a value and purpose-aligned life.
Find out what it means to be living your best life and how to design it next.